


Random vent fic that I have no idea about

by HopefulButHelpless



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 08:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19460191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopefulButHelpless/pseuds/HopefulButHelpless
Summary: She was tired.





	Random vent fic that I have no idea about

**Author's Note:**

> Look. I don't know what this is. It's kind of a vent fic, not exactly because I'm definitely not the character I wrote, but I don't know what or who that character is either, so just. Have this, whatever it is.

She was tired. Upon waking, _(which felt harder than it should have, just like every other time she’d woken up, she realized with a twinge of bitterness and defeat)_ she had immediately realized that today would be one of those days. The ones where her entire body felt filled with lead and her head with cotton, when it felt like she was drowning in the honey that served to sweeten every interaction of her days _(sugar coated smiles, sugar coated greetings, sugar coated life)_ , and when life became a nightmarish hellscape in its mind-numbing _uselessness_. Nothing made sense, nothing mattered, and nothing would or could change. She was going to be stuck in this boring state of nothingness for the rest of her life _(or so she thought)_.

If waking up had been hard, getting out of her bed and “getting on with the day” _(she hated that saying so, so much. Her outlook on life, specifically her own, was already bleak and cynical enough; she didn’t need other people - she hated them too, she hated everything - telling her their too-cheery view of things when it only contributed to her view as every day being another task to overcome, but the days never stopped coming, and when they did, who knew what would come next?)_ was significantly harder. She never felt motivated, but today was even worse - she wanted to disappear and stop existing, but if she couldn’t do that, then she’d settle for staying in bed for the rest of her life. _Just keep breathing, you can do that. Think positive - you never know what each day’ll bring!_ Yeah, no. She couldn’t even begin to understand how some people could live their entire lives like that, even if they had everything served to them on a silver platter. Everyone had bad days, right? They had to. After all, that was the thinking that helped her keep her grasp on life and pretend to be semi-functioning - everyone went through this, and if they could do it, then so could she. The fact that the only reason she hadn’t killed herself yet was that she was too stubborn and prideful _(and headstrong and a plethora of other adjectives her teachers had told her were good things that would make her a good leader, what liars they were, and how naive she was to believe them)_ to “lose” in life against everyone else was a sad realization, and yet it only caused her to snort.

Yeah, there was definitely something wrong with her, but there was nothing she could do about her realism. _(Realism, not pessimism, because she didn’t view life in a negative or gloomy light, just in the light of her reality. That made her a realist, right?)_

 _Not important_ , she _(not her, that little voice in the back of her head would never be her)_ reminded as she brushed her teeth after her miserable breakfast of Fruit Loops (with little milk because she was running out and really didn’t want to go shopping today, even though she never wanted to anyway, but today was even worse). _You still have to go on; you have classes and homework from said classes. You did them, right?_

For a moment she panicked, her anxiety flaring up at the thought of not having completed her assignments, but then she remembered that she would never allow herself to fall behind and was already a full unit ahead of her classes in all of her subjects, so there was no need for panic or fear _(both were more familiar to her than happiness or joy. When had her life turned into whatever this was? How had she let it happen?)_. By now she was already fully dressed, she realized with a start. Why didn’t she remember finishing brushing her teeth, or -(here she checked her face to confirm her thoughts) washing her face, or getting dressed?

 _Not important_ , the voice in her head that wasn’t hers whispered again, and she absentmindedly nodded. It didn’t matter, what mattered was that she had done it and now had to start walking to class before she was late. She thought about her schedule today, and the next time she tuned in to her surroundings she had already arrived at her building. She would have considered it weird if the same thing hadn’t been happening since she could remember - she would zone out, and when she returned to reality she would have done things she didn’t realize she was doing and she couldn’t remember doing them.

 _Not important_ , and she was sitting in her seat with all her stuff spread out on her desk.

She didn’t remember her lessons or lectures, but she had notes and could remember the stuff taught during them, so did really well on tests or exams or projects, so did it really matter if she remembered sitting at her desk bored out of her mind for almost 8 hours a day, 5 days a week? _No, no it doesn’t_ , the voice said, and she found herself agreeing - those weren’t the memories she wanted to have anyway, and if she learned the material, it was good enough _(maybe she should have cared more about the fact that she didn’t remember learning the material, but she never did)_.

**Author's Note:**

> I told you. What did I say? I said it makes no sense and that I don't know what this is. Do you? Because if you do please tell me.


End file.
